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LJ Idol - Second Chance - Take Heart

I hate when people say "don't take things so personally." My mom says it to me all the time when I get upset over someone saying something. Which admittedly, is kind of a lot. I take a lot of things to heart. It's why I put on this facade of being a cold bitch, because it's just easier. It's easier to make people think that you just don't give a shit what they're saying about you, that it's no skin off your nose.

That way they don't win.

They don't see that what they're saying is hurting you, is getting you down. They don't gain the upper hand.

I was the kid, who in elementary school, from grade four on was made fun of...almost every day. Right up until I started high school. Well, no, even in high school, but I think my high school experience was pretty mild compared to a lot of peoples. But every day I was in school out in Alberta, I was made fun of. I had kids from the other schools making fun of me. Of course, by the time I hit grade 7, it didn't help that kids from those schools lived in my street, so I had to see them every day.

There was this one bitch named Melina, who lived two houses down from me, and one named Kayla who lived a few houses the other direction. They had this gang of kids who lived in the same area, who would waft back and forth between the two of them, whenever one of them suddenly decided we were friends, for a whole week! The other kids? Nuh-uh. They sided with whoever didn't like me that day. It got old quickly.

I never really got beat up. I didn't have people shoving me into lockers, throwing things at me, or trying to hurt me. Sure I got the occasional facewash in the winter, but who didn't? No, I got the stupid insults, the gossip behind my back. All the time, from everyone around me. I got it for every little tiny reason. I was tall. I was smart. I had red hair; freckles; glasses. I didn't shave. I didn't have any of the "big" things people got teased for.

But that doesn't make it hurt any less. And my mom used to tell me not to take it personally, that kids will be kids. But how do you not take it personally, when people are attacking, well, your person?

So I put on my disguise like a costume every day, I go out and I live my life. The people out there who feel like being like those girls I knew when I was little? They're never going to know they're winning.

I won't let them.

It may be personal, I may cry, but they won't win.



( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 12th, 2011 03:35 am (UTC)
A very touching post. I liked it.
Jan. 12th, 2011 10:08 am (UTC)
Ugh. I take everything to heart and it's SO hard not to.
Jan. 12th, 2011 05:08 pm (UTC)
i was one of those kids who did get beat up. i got shoved into walls. I got hurt. I had horrible things said to me every day from when i was a little kid right up through college. i learned very early on not to complain about it to my parents because they had the idea in their heads that i was following the inbred little shits around so they always said the same thing. "Stay away from them." This was about half the population of the school doing this to me, so what was I supposed to do, hide in a closet all day?
Jan. 12th, 2011 06:40 pm (UTC)
Ugh, "Stay away from them" is totally the other one that kills me. Especially in school. Like, unless you're going to home school me.....I literally can't stay away from assholes.
Jan. 12th, 2011 06:33 pm (UTC)
Very sad. Kids...and people in general...can be so mean sometimes!
Jan. 12th, 2011 08:25 pm (UTC)
I hated being told to recite "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" by both my parents and teachers. Fuck that -- they most certainly DO hurt. And it was doubly difficult to ignore them when all you really wanted to do was pile-drive them into the nearest floor.
Jan. 12th, 2011 10:52 pm (UTC)
and when you are younger, stupid things hurt so much more. I totally feel for you.
Jan. 13th, 2011 07:46 pm (UTC)
No... You can't let those aweful people win. If you let them win, they will just keep doing the same mean things. Of course, most of the time they keep being mean and horrible even if you choose to ignore it or don't let it bother you. Kids, especially girls, can be so mean for no reason. It's so stupid, and I'm glad schools are trying to do something about it.
Jan. 14th, 2011 04:11 am (UTC)
It is not nice for people to be mean to you! But it is important to wash your face even in the winter! Otherwise it will be dirty!
Jan. 14th, 2011 06:39 pm (UTC)
I know where you're coming from. I got told not to be so sensitive all the darn time, so now I can't stop beating myself up for feeling pain. Good for you not letting them win.
Jan. 14th, 2011 09:19 pm (UTC)
Screw the mean people!

No one ever told me not to be sensitive; I hid it from my parents and my teachers because I didn't want to show them how blubbery I would get. That was my small bit of pride, and it sure bit me in the butt later. My parents still don't know anything about me.

Thanks for writing.
Jan. 15th, 2011 01:44 am (UTC)
I take everything to heart too!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )