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LJ Idol - Second Chance - Irreversable

and the days are drifting into seasons
they're the hardest I have ever known
a million spaces in the earth to fill but
there's no going home
no going home

~Kate Rusby & Kathryn Roberts - Exile

21 years old. College drop out. Single. Introvert. Anxious. Afraid of mistakes.

These are all things that describe me. But so does one other thing.

Back at home.

We've all heard since a young age that supposedly you can't go home again. It's in songs, the theme in TV, movies and books, and is drilled into us from every angle.

My biggest failure to date has been the fact that I've had to move home. I couldn't find a job, couldn't pay my rent without one, and would never have expected my parents to pay it for me. So I moved back to my parents house after being gone for three and a half years. It feels as though nothing's changed since I left the last time, except that now I have a job rather than high school to go to. I still keep my own schedule, do the same portion of the housework I did then, take care of the dog. At a baser level, nothing has changed.

Except that everything has.

My schedule no longer gets me in trouble as it did when I was 17, and my parents decided that my sleeping in until noon on the weekends was a problem. Now I sleep until noon most days, and not a word. I'm not afraid the way I was at 15/16/17 of being told that I was going to be kicked out. I've already left. It's turned into even more of a hollow threat than it was in the past. Oh no, I'm going to have to do something that I've done for the last three years? Horror. I have more freedom to do what I want, and live the life I want without my parents interfering (to a degree), and I love it.

So many good things have come from my moving home after time away, and it's great, and I wouldn't give it up for anything, especially because it was a very needed change.

But at the same time I miss that security net that I had as a minor, that knowledge that certain things, food and shelter were guaranteed. And I know nothing will ever manage to bring that back.



( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 19th, 2011 02:50 am (UTC)
You got it in under the wire like me. :) Good entry. Good luck.
Jan. 19th, 2011 02:51 am (UTC)
haha, yeah, 8pm and I was like "OH SHIT."

Setting up a new store at work's been a little time consuming XD
Jan. 19th, 2011 04:16 am (UTC)
Good for you for being humble enough to move back in with your parents; good for you for knowing that your life isn't/can't stay like this forever.
Jan. 19th, 2011 04:19 am (UTC)
Glad to hear that you are making the best of the situation!
Jan. 19th, 2011 04:49 am (UTC)
I sometimes miss that security net as well. I don't even live back at home and miss it.
Jan. 19th, 2011 09:17 pm (UTC)
I can relate to this. So glad your parents were understanding.
Jan. 21st, 2011 06:50 am (UTC)
I have floated in and out of my parents place. I don't get the shame that is associated with it - sometimes it is the best descision, and if you all can live together, then why not? I have had flatmates that I have hated living with a lot more tan my folks!

I know what you mean though, same same, but different!
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )